Roadside or Graveside
by Scribble2Much
Summary: "What do you want Dean? A life of one night stands while you're passing through dead-end towns and then saying goodbye to some faceless woman the morning after on the side of the road?" Tag to "Route 666".


**Roadside or Graveside**

**Summary:**

"**What do you want Dean? A life of one night stands while you're passing through dead-end towns and then saying goodbye to some faceless woman the morning after on the side of the road?" Tag to episode 1:13, "Route 666". Sam begs Dean not to walk away from Cassie again. Small spoiler for episode 1:13.**

**A/N: Special thanks to my beta Ericka Jane and to SupernaturalGeek for the feedback.**

Sam watches as Dean and Cassie embrace and kiss like two people who are in love, and not just lovers. As he observes the exchange he silently wills his brother to convert the farewell scene into a new beginning.

So what if they had planned to leave town in the next five minutes. Plans tend to change when emotions trump logic in the decision-making process.

But Sam's hopes are dashed as he watches Dean turn, walk away from Cassie and then climb into the passenger side of the Impala beside him. Recognising that this is his cue to drive, Sam briefly exchanges a parting glance with Cassie before pulling out onto the roadway.

He drives slowly at first, giving Dean time to think about what he's doing, what he's passing up and the woman he's leaving on the side of the road. Sam's foot gingerly skirts the gas pedal, keeping the car's progression moderate as he waits for Dean to think better of it, and ask him to turn around.

Half a mile down the road, when his sibling has uttered no such instructions, Sam tries to prompt him.

"I like her," he coaxes, but Dean remains unresponsive.

Sam tries harder. "When you meet someone like that, do you ask yourself if it's worth it?"

In reply, Dean slips on his sunglasses, leans back in his seat and says, "Wake me up when it's my turn to drive."

After a lifetime of clearly hearing all the things his brother leaves unsaid, Sam knows Dean has gently told him to shut the hell up and don't press the issue. But this is Sam's big brother. He's the person who will always mean the most to him and the person who, more than anything, he wants to be happy. And it's clear, even from the few interactions he has witnessed, that Cassie makes Dean happy.

Convinced that Dean is making a mistake, Sam jams his foot on the brakes.

Dean swears as he's quickly flung forward before the seatbelt snaps him back. "What the hell is wrong with _you_?"

Sam adjusts gears, pulls up the handbrake and turns sideways to face Dean. "Say the word," he literally begs. "Just say the word and we can go back."

Dean stares at his little brother suspecting that what he has always feared the most is now being manifested. College has driven Sam out of his mind. "Go back where?"

"To Cassie," Sam offers.

"Drive," is the firm instruction.

"Why?"

"I said; _drive_."

"_Why?_ Why are you giving up without even giving it a chance? You wouldn't have to keep secrets; you wouldn't have to live a lie. She _knows,_ Dean, and what's more, she understands. Why are you throwing that away?"

Because Sam can read him better than anyone else, Dean sends his little brother warning glare. "Don't start this conversation," he advises, with forced patience.

But Sam feels honour-bound to at least try to talk some sense into his brother. He can't just let Dean walk away. He _has _to get him to see that love is worth fighting for.

"Dean please," Sam disregards Winchester rule number 2: "NO touching" – second only to rule number one: "ABSOLUTELY NO crying" – and rests his hand on his brother's knee. "I loved Jess and I know she loved me but I was always afraid that at some point, if she found out the truth, love wouldn't be enough. But Cassie knows and she hasn't run screaming in the opposite direction and that's because she loves you. And you can give your silent denials as much as you want, but I'm your brother, I know you better than anyone and I know you love her too."

"Sam..."

"I'm not finished! You deserve more, Dean. You deserve so much more than you'll allow yourself to have. You have every right to have someone like Cassie; please don't walk away from that."

Insanely grateful he had the foresight to slip on the sunglasses, Dean exhales deeply, trying to dispel the awkward fluttering his brother's words have stirred in his stomach and trying, even harder, to dismiss the even more awkward longing they've stirred in his heart. Sam's emotional ambush somehow feels more devastating than the worst surprise attack he's ever suffered at the hands of the most wretched forces of evil.

Summoning the legendary Dean Winchester emotional control, he instructs his little brother in a clipped tone that leaves no doubt that he will only say this only one more time; "Drive Sam."

Dean's invulnerability, his unwillingness to admit to any kind of need for the care, the companionship and the warmth of another human being now have Sam past the point of annoyed. If they weren't sitting in the car he would have grabbed Dean and shaken the sickeningly irritating, cock-sure, bravado out of him.

But with the limitations of their current circumstances, Sam goes for a verbal shake-up instead.

"What is it you want Dean? A life of one night stands? Do you want to spend the rest of your life sneaking out of some stranger's bed before she wakes up? Do you want a future filled with casual flings while you're passing through some dead-end town and then saying goodbye to some faceless woman the morning after on the side of the road?"

"And what's better, Sam; saying goodbye at the roadside or at someone's graveside?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Dean pulls off his sunglasses and looks straight at his brother, hoping the hard edge in his eyes will persuade finally persuade Sam to drop this potentially hurtful line of discussion. But he may as well have been trying to melt ice with his look because Sam remains undaunted. "I said, what the hell do you _mean_?"

Knowing his words will hurt, but feeling like he now has no choice Dean says, "Love is one thing Sam, and in our world, if you can get it with honesty and openness, well even better. But Dad loved Mom and I know you loved Jess and yet in the end that wasn't enough to protect either of them."

Speechless, Sam looks away from his brother, staring instead at the endless stretch of road that lay out before them.

And because he really needs Sam to understand, Dean continues, slowly and deliberately; "I've had my whole life to see what love can do to you when it gets wrenched away because I saw what losing Mom did to Dad."

Dejectedly, Sam fills in the blanks. "And then you got to see what losing Jess did to me."

"I can't do that to Cassie, Sam. I can't risk her life because I want to be with her."

Wincing, Sam closes his eyes, remembering the gut-wrenching horror of seeing Jess suspended from the ceiling, her blood dropping on his face before she was devoured by flames. "Do you really think that by loving her you would put her in harm's way?"

"Put it this way, at two to one, the odds are stacked against me and I'll be damned – literally – if I'm gonna make it three out of three. Think about it," Dean says calmly, looking out of the car's passenger side window, willing himself to hold it together. "If you had it do all over again, knowing what you know now, would you have gotten involved with Jess?"

Now Sam is breathing hard, pressured by deep sorrow and overwhelming regret. "If I say no, I would have missed half my life and if I say yes, I'm the most selfish bastard that ever lived."

"Look, I'm not judging you," Dean's voice is gentle and reassuring. "I know much more now than you knew then. And honestly, I can deal with saying goodbye to Cassie on the side of the road, but I couldn't handle laying flowers on her grave."

An almost suffocating silence envelopes the Impala, hanging in the air for several tense moments before Sam breaks it. "So is that the choice we're gonna face for the rest our lives? Roadside or Graveside?"

Dean is loathed to add to his brother's grief, but all evidence indicates that the odds are firmly stacked against them. "Sam, either way, it's goodbye."

Saddened but resolved, Dean slips his sunglasses back on. "So like I said," he leans his head back against the seat. "Wake me up when it's my turn to drive."

Sam doesn't need any further contemplation. Releasing the handbrake, he lets the Impala move off and then presses his foot down on the gas pedal, honour-bound to quickly increase the distance between his brother and Cassie.

**THE END**


End file.
